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Gay nuptials are a wonderful step forward. So why do they make me a little melancholy? “How old are you again?” my father asks, surveying the black-and-blue arms and legs that I’m proudly showcasing. “Dad, I’m gay!” I remind him. “I’m allowed to live...
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When it comes to beauty, why must women compete? I have just returned from what is perhaps the sexiest event on the planet: the Cannes Film Festival, otherwise known as 10 days of aesthetic excess that makes Old Hollywood seem new again. It’s a worldwide...
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Why is it so hard for people to have a relationship and a social life? My friend asked for an annoying favor the other day. She wanted to know if I would take out the one other lesbian she knows, because the woman is going through a bad breakup and has...
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Lately, I’ve been receiving a lot of emails about things like medical conditions and relationship struggles. I am not a doctor, a therapist, or a “sexpert,” though I could probably use the services of all three. But I will do something rare in this month...
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A few weeks ago, I got a scathing phone call from an ex. My offense this time? I wasn’t around to rub lotion on her back. “You are never there when I need you!” she howled. From lube to Lubriderm in such a short time, with so many feelings crushed along...
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THE FIRST thing that alarms me is the facial hair, dragging across my chin like an enraged porcupine. Then I feel large, rough hands cupped around my face. Then the musky aroma creeps up and stings my nose. Holy absence of labia minora! I'm with a...
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DESPERATE GAYS. Angry gays. Latent gays. They all came out of the woodwork this month looking for a healthy dose of therapeutic advice. Who am I not to deliver? As always, letters have been edited for brevity and clarity, but not for sensitivity. As a...
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I USE THREE forms of birth control: my sister's children, homosexuality, and my other sister's children. To date, all have worked perfectly fine. (And though I'd love to rankle the Catholic church, I'm not sure I'm the candidate they...
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THIS 6’ 9”, 400-pound man starts lifting his massive, furry body out of the oceanside pool. The heather-gray briefs he’s using as a makeshift bikini suction to his comparatively tiny ass. “No laughing!” he shouts to me and my two skinny pals, watching...
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